Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Divorce Advice From Divorce Lawyers

Financial Planning/Investment Article

How to prepare yourself to deal with the financial realities of divorce.
In the first few years after divorce, more often than not, the standard of living of both spouses drops. Why? Because the same cumulative income and pool of assets now has to support two households instead of one. Unfortunately, most people don't prepare themselves financially or emotionally for that consequence. So what can you do to better prepare yourself for this inevitability? The answer is simple, but it's not easy to put into practice.

Divorce is an inherently stressful process. To alleviate some of the stress, it's important to be proactive and in control. Here are the "Lucky Seven" things you can do to help prepare yourself for your post-divorce financial future.

1. Expect your income to drop after the divorce is final.

Develop a budget based on needs, not wants. Keep in mind that your expenses need to stay within your post-divorce income. Consider all sources of income -- including spousal and child support, keeping in mind that they won't last forever -- as well as investment income. To develop a budget, use a detailed worksheet so you don't overlook any expenses. The best source for the expense information is your check register, if that's how you pay your bills. Remember that not all your expenses are paid monthly; some insurance premiums or tax bills might be payable quarterly or annually, so make sure to account for those as well. (To help get you started, make a complete list of all your monthly and annual expenses.)

The last step in preparing a budget is to ask a reasonable and critical friend or family member to review your budget and challenge the expenses that seem unreasonable. You have to agree to keep an open mind and not to get mad if he/she challenges one of your items; remember that this person is trying to help you.

2. Consider whether you can afford to keep the house.

In many cases, one spouse -- usually the wife -- wants to keep the house. Though this might be extremely emotionally satisfying, it usually makes little or no financial sense. The equity in the house is illiquid, meaning it won't pay the bills. If it makes sense for one spouse to keep the house, that spouse should pre-qualify for a mortgage before the divorce is final. Sometimes, a divorcing couple will decide that one spouse is going to keep the house, then they take the other spouse's name off the deed. Later, the spouse who wants to keep the house gets turned down for a mortgage because he/she doesn't make enough money to qualify to refinance in his/her name alone. The spouse who is leaving the marital home ends up being on the hook for the debt, has no reciprocal asset, and can't qualify for his/her own mortgage because he/she doesn't make enough to support both mortgages.

To qualify for a mortgage, most conventional lenders use credit and debt to income ratios. Many use a credit score system to qualify applicants; a credit score is based on payment history, amount of credit owing, length of time credit established, number of recently opened credit accounts, and types of credit established. Lenders generally use two different ratios to analyze credit worthiness. Here's how they work:

(1) Housing Ratio = Total Monthly Housing Payments divided by Total Gross Income. This ratio must be 28% or less.
(2) Total Debt Ratio = Total Housing + Other Debt divided by Total Gross Income. This ratio must 36% or less.

In order to qualify for a conventional mortgage, an applicant must have an acceptable credit score and debt-to-income ratios.

3. Know what you have.

Account statements have a way of disappearing when divorce proceedings start. When contemplating divorce, start by collecting statements for all your financial holdings and put together a list of your assets. When negotiating your divorce settlement, this step will prove helpful as a starting point. Here's an example of items you'll need to list on an Asset Worksheet. Remember to note the value of each asset, and who owns what portion of it:

  • Retirement Assets
  • Liquid Assets
  • Real Estate
  • Personal Property
  • Cash Value Life Insurance
  • Business Interests

As you work your way through the asset split negotiations, each asset can be moved to its appropriate column: "Husband" or "Wife". To figure out the percentage split, divide the total for each spouse by the grand total.

4. Consider the after-tax values of your assets.

Accounts with pre-tax contributions and tax deferred growth come with a tax liability. Know what the after-tax equivalent value is before agreeing to take an asset. Having $100,000 in an IRA or RRSP is not the same as having a $100,000 in a checking account. The spouse with the retirement savings plan will end up with the account value minus the tax liability, and the other spouse will have the whole amount to spend.

5. Understand your financial needs.

You need to make sure that the liquidity of the assets you're getting matches up to your needs. Let's suppose you want to keep the marital house, which is worth $300,000 or 50% of the marital estate, as your share of the settlement. Until you take a close look at your long-term financial forecast, you won't know whether you can afford to keep it. Suppose, for example, you've factored child-support payments into your income; after the payments end, how are you going to pay the mortgage? If you have to put the house up for sale in a few years, you may be solely responsible for paying all the capital-gains taxes from the time you and your spouse acquired the property until you sold it -- which could be bad news indeed.

6. Don't overlook the value of a future pension.

Any portion of a pension that was earned during the marriage should be included in the marital pool of assets. Pensions can be handled in three different ways:

1. The non-employee spouse can receive his or her share of a future benefit;
2. The pension can be present valued and offset;
3. A combination of 1 and 2.

Your particular situation should determine which option makes the most sense for you. For example, a 32-year-old wife with two young children and limited resources will have different needs than a 55-year-old wife with a career and her own pension. Make sure you're not the divorcee who has a great pension that will pay in 15 years and have no money to pay the bills today.

7. Hire a good team.

Recommendations are a great source for professionals. However, you need to do your homework before hiring anyone. Your team should consist of a divorce lawyer and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) at a minimum. In addition, if needed, an accountant or valuator can be retained to value a business or do some forensic work. Although you may think that the more professionals you hire the more costly your divorce will be, this is not necessarily true. In the long run, having the appropriate help will cut down on litigation costs, and may save you from making costly blunders regarding your settlement.

Other Maryland Divorce Articles Provide By Shah & Kishore

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Peaceful Divorce with Shah & Kishore

Mediation can help you minimize the financial and emotional costs of divorce -- despite the hurt, anger, and lack of trust that usually accompanies the breakdown of a marriage. Here are some of the most important keys to creating a peaceful divorce.

                                      "We must pursue peaceful ends through peaceful means."

How is it possible to have a peaceful divorce when there is so much hurt, anger, and lack of trust? With the heartache of ending a marriage, how can you avoid the tremendous stress, pain, conflict escalation, and financial devastation of a courtroom battle? The key is to find a mediator whom you both can trust to educate you in the negotiation process, and to facilitate collaboration to resolve the conflict and create a satisfying settlement.

                                      Effective Mediation Promotes Peace

                 "It isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it.        One must work at it."

For both of you to feel comfortable in divorce mediation, you must have faith that the process will be fair and that your rights will be protected. You need to trust that your mediator has the negotiation skills, legal expertise, conflict management tools, sensitivity, and problem-solving ability to help you reach a mutually satisfying agreement in a peaceful way.

Here's what to ask when interviewing a mediator:

  • Is the mediator an attorney with legal and mediation training? Will he/she educate both of you as to your legal rights and responsibilities before you begin to negotiate the issues so that you will make informed decisions?
  • As a neutral third party, your attorney-mediator shouldn't give either of you legal advice, but will he/she explore legal options with both of you?
  • Will the attorney-mediator prepare all the court documents and agreements, and give you the opportunity to review and receive advice from independent counsel before you sign?
  • If the mediator is not also a lawyer, does he/she recommend that each of you retain a lawyer to inform you of your legal rights and obligations and to review all agreements before final signing of the settlement? Is he/she qualified to prepare the legal documents and agreements? If not, who will do so?
  • Will you maintain control, so that you only sign when you are satisfied?
  • To build trust, will your mediation sessions always include your spouse? Will you be allowed, however, to have an individual caucus by phone with your mediator if there is a sensitive issue to discuss?
  • Will you and your spouse receive summary letters after each session documenting interim agreements?
  • Will you be given clear tasks to perform to move forward in a timely manner?
  • Will the mediator work at your pace to reduce stress?
  • Does the mediator meet with you in a peaceful atmosphere? Is he or she serene and composed?
  • How will the mediator make you feel comfortable?
  • Will he or she enforce positive ground rules that require respectful behavior (i.e., no interrupting, no accusing, no yelling, etc.) so that both parties feel safe and secure?
  • Does the mediator have you sign a confidentiality agreement to protect your privacy?
  • Will the mediator balance the power so that one of you doesn't feel controlled or bullied by the other? What approach will the mediator use to empower you when you are fearful of asking for what you want?
  • How will he/she deflect conflict and keep both of you focused on problem-solving instead of arguing?
  • How will the mediator help both of you to honor your interim commitments as you move through the process?
  • What will the mediator do to make sure that both parties fully disclose all issues and financial documents so that property can be divided fairly and support calculated correctly?
  • How will the mediator deal with the intense emotions that are revealed in session? Will he/she listen effectively and help the parties to express their feelings to clear the air so that negotiations are enhanced and forgiveness can take place?
  • How will the mediator deal with difficult issues that you don't understand, such as stock options, business evaluations, and retirement issues? Will he/she arrange for you to jointly agree to use neutral experts to assist you in making wise decisions?
  • What tools does the mediator use to guide the parties to co-parent effectively?
  • How does the mediator resolve emotionally charged child custody issues?
  • What processes will the mediator use to help heal the family pain?
Once you have interviewed and chosen a mediator with whom both of are comfortable, you'll need to do some "peace" work yourself to prepare for the process. A skilled mediator will encourage you to take steps to ensure your serenity and success.

Creating Peace Within Yourself
"It is understanding that gives us an ability to have peace. When we understand the other fellow's viewpoint, and he understands ours, then we can sit down and work out our differences."
-- Harry S. Truman
Work on your own serenity. Get help understanding your emotions. Reading self-help books on relationships is helpful; however, the feedback and reflection you receive from a family therapist may be more productive. Your feelings of hurt, loss, and disappointment are legitimate, and how you process those emotions will have a great impact on the peacefulness of your divorce and your life right now.

Empower yourself with information about your legal rights. Reading Divorce Magazine and visiting www.DivorceMagazine.com, www.nolopress.com, other divorce-related Internet sites, and the legal section of your favorite bookstore or library will give you additional knowledge. Being well-informed enables you to ask good questions and feel more confident. Consider an appointment with a family-law attorney to give you advice as independent counsel -- just make sure that this attorney supports the mediation process.
Nurture yourself. Take care of your body, mind, and spirit. Divorce is a stressful transition that can feel overwhelming at times. Get spiritual counseling. Make time for meditation and prayer. Exercise, walk, run, or swim. Use other activities to relieve the stress in your body. Long baths, a massage, nature hikes, and inspirational literature will nourish you. Be kind and gentle with yourself -- you deserve it!
Commit to ending the cycle of blame, guilt, and resentment. Recognize that you and your spouse did the best
you could with the tools you had. You both made mistakes and had failed expectations. Each of you was only 50% responsible for the problems in your marriage. Don't focus on what your spouse did or didn't do. Focus on the present, and how you can be fair to yourself, your children, and your spouse. The greatest gift you can give to yourself is peace of mind. Your serenity will also be calming for your children and support your desire for a peaceful divorce.
"Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul."
-- Francis Fenelon

Mari J. Frank, Esq. is an attorney, mediator, author, and professor in private practice in Laguna Niguel, CA. She sits on the Advisory Board of Divorce Magazine and has been featured on national television and radio. View her website and Divorce Magazine profile online.